Why I don't wear one and mock those that do.

[Valdemar]

SOUL PATCH, definition from urban dictionary.

A patch of hair located under the bottom lip that, when in combination with
A)shirt and tie,
B)long unkempt hair,
C)tinted glasses,
D)a turtleneck,

is an indication that its wearer is

A) a young graduate to the creative arts industry, who has gotten disillusioned with how institutionalised his profession has gotten, and wishes to mount one last stand against being assimilated as an office drone. But is oblivious to the fact that he actually appears to be gay.

B) a sloppy shaver who uses phrases like 'carefully chosen image' and 'personal statement' as excuses to neglect his personal hygiene. But is oblivious to the fact that his efforts are in vain because he really just looks gay.

C) a man who is undergoing mid-life crises and is trying desperately to relive the days of his youth, in need of something that will make him feel young again. However, also oblivious to the fact that it really just makes him look gay.

D) gay.

My addition to this list would include...

A patch of hair located under the bottom lip that, when in combination with
E) unkempt, ragged, and intentionally mismatched clothing, and a filthy woolen cap

is an indication that its wearer is

E) a socially stunted university radical who will "mature" to become an academician, journalist, or public sector employee like a social worker. But now strives for mediocrity, underachievement, and general cluelessness while acting smug, self-righteous, and too-smart-to-care. He wears a soul patch as a signal - among others - to like-minded females that he's sensitive, and he understands their victimhood. His soul patch says, "I'm an obsequious psychophant to feminists everywhere so that I might tease out the faintest chance to be a mercy 1-900-MixALot for some down-and-out Goth chic." However also oblivious to the fact that it really makes him look grundgy gay.

Regards,
Valdemar