I'll asnwer a couple of those questions for ya that I know i can answer form personal experience.
I have almost all the V foci stuff whether it be from drops or via DoN crystals (check my magelo if ya like) I'm still missing a few and ahhave taken a break from the Gather Crystals grind in favor of playing the confused hydra who likes to insult himself in /guild with 3 to 5 different characters (makes for some great fun when new members to the guild don't check the guild management tool to see who is a main or an alt

)
For myself once i was at least 50% into lvl 70 I set my aa to the setting just before 100% (think its 80%) this way if I die and I wind up eating a death then i'll not have to worry aobut not regaining the xp in short order (with the year 1 Vet aa this is an immense help in that regards especially in places like RSS or the Nest) However most peeps tend to go the 20% route then go 100% aa. I chose my method cause I made the mistake of setting my aa to 100% the day before level caps were raised to 70 and died like 40 billion times and had no one avaialbe to rezz me and wound up being 90% away from lvl 66 the day that cap was raised (then again I was being stupi d and tried soloing a couple of zones that should have been great for me for xp)
In regards to what you want for "Must Have" Foci as the top choices I'm sure some will agree with me its all based on your play style and what you are emphasizing on do you solo a lot, are you trying to focus on yer healing ability. Basically its all "Taster's Choice" in what you are looking to improve on. I would most definately recommend the extended range , extended ehnhance (For yer buffs), and Spell Haste and any mana saving foci that you can get yer hands on (I forget what that particular Focus is called)
DoN is a good way to go if yer not in an all out raiding guild. The Gods know that my guild is one of the most casual guilds on the Saryrn server and most of the raiding we see lately is the pick up raids we happen to catch on the flags channel introduced when the good peeps from Mith Marr merged with us (Thanks guys I couldn't have gotten fully Ep flagged sooner hated being flagged for every ep zone except for Fire)
As for equipment I'm pretty dumb when it comes to stuff like that I tend to concentrate on stuff that will gain me more hp/mana/wis with better AC than what I currently wear. I'll let the gear savvi peeps answer that for ya